After a very pleasant Saturday evening spent at a Women’s team-building event in a fine Italian Restaurant chosen by Vinny ‘Stanley Tucci’ Cibardo (at which the waitresses assumed that I was treating my extended family), the ladies arrived at a sunny Richardson Evans on Sunday morning remarkably clear-eyed. Liquid intake had amazingly consisted mainly of Diet Coke, non-alcoholic beer and a single bottle of red wine, mostly consumed by Jo who was jetting off to Bulgaria the following morning, to perfect her sliding tackles on the slopes of Uzana.

And so to our penultimate group game of the Sue Sharples Trophy, qualification already beyond our reach, but an interesting test ahead of us against a London Galaxy side lying second in the Northern equivalent of our league. Fielding just the bare 11 for the third time in recent weeks, with Vinny’s brother Ricky press-ganged into running the line, spirits were lifted by the revelation that the oppo had only 9 players, two having dropped out earlier that morning. Whether their enthusiasm had been sapped by the prospect of travelling from North London for a ‘dead rubber’ only they will know.

Vinny rolled out the playbook for playing against reduced opponents: use the wings, stretch their defences, push forward the full-backs and don’t fall into the trap of thinking we were going to walk it. By and large the advice was followed, and sure enough the goals began to flow as the ladies exploited the inevitable black holes in the Galaxy lines.

The best thing to do is just list the goals as they occurred; if you want to see the real thing then I’d advise you to just watch the Borough TV coverage above, a picture paints a thousand words.

3m: Gemma weaves her way through a Galaxy supermassive black hole, slotting past a keeper who obviously wasn’t paying attention in trigonometry lessons at school.

19m: A now trademark Wiki corner drops dangerously into the six-yard box, and Dani bundles home.

28m: A through ball from Sarah bisects the Galaxy like the Milky Way, and Ella weaves through the defence to score.

30m: An up-and-under from Lisa pays dividends as Dani nods it into the path of Ella to finish.

34m: Ella channels Robbie Fowler to complete a six-minute hat-trick by applying her hips to a Sarah corner.

38m: Ella grabs her 4th, tapping home at the second attempt after Gemma had scampered down the right-wing to cross.

Half-time 6-0, and the message was to keep going, not relax and enjoy the second half. The goals continued to flow, but perhaps inevitably complacency crept in a little and the second-half was narrowly won by 4 goals to 3.

Timeline:

52m: One of the Galaxy stars pulls one back. 6-1

57m: A cross from Gemma, Dani moves it on and Ella pokes home her 5th.

76m: A 25-yard screamer from Cherry from a Dani feed.

77m: A quick-fire response from Galaxy catches us off-guard (‘you’re never more vulnerable than…’). 8-2.

80m: Following one of Wiki’s trebuchet throw-ins, Ella squares and Gemma knocks home.

84m: It’s 9-3 as the Galaxy explode into action to embarrass us once more.

90+2m: The best goal of the afternoon as Woody feeds Naomi, who cheekily backheels to Gemma, whose sumptuous cross is turned in by Ella for her double hat-trick. (Seriously, if you’ve read this far have a look at it on You Tube).

Full credit to the Galaxy Girls who turned up, who never stopped trying and behaved impeccably throughout when they could have been forgiven for expressing frustration. On our side the honours were obviously taken by Ella for her amazing six-goal haul which will inevitably prompt furious action on the Borough Fantasy Football transfer market. On another day, the endeavour and skill shown by our youngest player, Naomi Saunders, would surely have taken the PoM vote, but credit to all for their performance and attitude throughout the game.

Thanks again to Ricky Cibardo, who saved Vinny’s and my knees from further punishment.

Match details

Match date

Sun 02 Mar 2025

Kickoff

11:00

Location

Richardson Evans Memorial Playing Fields

Team overview