PREPARATION'S WHAT YOU NEED

Appreciating the importance of following up the previous week’s fantastic battling win with three points against the division’s bottom side, captain Neil Watkins turned up at the ground a full 90 minutes before kick-off to begin the lengthy array of stretches which he hopes will keep his body from disintegrating again this season.

On arrival, a worrying omen awaited him on the pavilion noticeboard. The ground staff at Richardson Evans, who can perhaps be forgiven for not realising Wandsworth has a sixth team given that we’re almost never able to play at home, decided that there must have been an administrative error and that it would, in fact, be the Boro 2s hosting Dorking, and so allocated us the hallowed Pitch No.3 (about which many of our players have heard tales but rarely been allowed to touch or, indeed, see).

Concerned at the effect that playing not only in unfamiliar surroundings but also now on an actual flat, grass-covered surface might have on the 6s’ usual attritional style, Watkins enjoined his teammates to expedite their journeys; they did not let him down.

Setting a new sixth team record, the entire playing squad had arrived pitch side by 1:21pm, despite the fact that Luke Sweeney had been selected. This left an incredible and unprecedented 39 minutes during which the players were able to rehearse:

• Shooting
• Passing
• Moving around

The team seemed to enjoy this novel experience, and a 7-0 win followed.