THREE POINTS AND SEVEN PINTS

On a balmy February afternoon, the MBRT made the short trip to Barnes Bridge to face London Welsh. Players were reminded that the beast from the East had gripped the same fixture last year and all rejoiced in the warm weather this time around.

The game started with a pattern that would become familiar throughout the game. The opposition passed side to side to side to side whilst the MBRT held their impenetrable shape. This happened quite a lot over the course of the match so as you can imagine the spectator was thrilled. Speaking of which, we’d like to place on record our thanks to Taf who journeyed to Barnes and hobbled over 16 pitches to watch his beloved Red Tops. He definitely psyched a couple of their men out and was on hand with lots of advice and encouragement. Cheers Taf!

Back to the game…

Around 10 minutes in an old foe reared its ugly head… the long ball. This deceived all Borough defenders with the exception of the banana man himself, Jamo. Their attacker was charging through and looked certain to score when Jamo performed a perfect sliding tackle to thwart his opponent. I’m not sure whether this was before or after the challenge Jamo will be boring us about for years, but Youngman had a right ding dong with the corner flag at one point which ended with him snapping it in half. Now a few weeks ago I would have said this was down to sexual frustration, but having finally sealed the deal after 27 dates we must look for other answers. Perhaps Bwooce leaving has hit him harder than he cares to let on.

1-0 Borough. I don’t know how and I don’t know why the ball ended up with Charlie buccaneering down the right-hand side of the penalty area but I do know what followed was some terrifically selfless play as he squared me the ball for a simple tap in. Thanks Chaz.

The game meandered for a bit without much action until Belger bravely came off his line and took a clattering for the team. The oppo did get the ball in the net but the dropkick on Belge was judged to be a foul.

Half time. Second half…

With the opposition starting on the front foot it was key that Borough made the most of their counter-attacking opportunities. Queue Charlie to embark on another swashbuckling run, this time running nearly the whole length of the pitch before deciding he didn’t want to score and shinning the ball straight to the opposition.

2-0 Borough. That big bastardly brute of a man Pickles did some bundling and had a strike a goal. Blocked but wait… the ball trickled to the edge of the area. Scotty upholstered his weapon and fired the ball majestically into the roof of the goal hole. The goal perfectly summed up by their bemused defender commenting, ‘he must have a foot like a traction engine.’ High praise indeed.

Another passage of unremarkable play came and went before the occurrence of three highly controversial moments. The first was a stonewall penalty. Lewis performed a lovely megnuts (so sweet) on their right back and was through. Admittedly he fluffed his shot but was absolutely clattered just after. Never was the phrase it was a foul anywhere else on the pitch more apt. The second was the most ridiculous decision I’ve ever seen on the football field. I was out wide on the left with the ball and running out of pitch, floated the ball back to the far post and found Charlie. Thigh, clip, goal hole. OFFSIDE. Now I don’t like to blame officials who give up their Saturday afternoons to officiate us no-hopers but that was a horror show. The third was another penalty claim, this time against the better Faure, Marcus. He powered through on goal, got clipped from behind and stumbled then fell. Goal kick.

In between these controversy’s was an opposition goal. Booooooooo. They countered down our left, centred and tapped in. The highlight of this move was the Mushroom being gassed hopelessly (again). Perhaps this, amongst some other lively tackles, led to an uncharacteristic Lemon. A cynical kick and he’s down £10. No wonder he offered to wash the kit this week!

3-1 Borough. Just as tensions were mounting further the Red Tops got a free kick on the inside left and about halfway. Youngman teased in a floating ball and I managed to get my 50p head on it. Relief. It was all over bar the shouting and Lewis clearing one off our line with the last kick of the game. Off to The Bull in Barnes for the Rugby and Victory beers. Three-points and seven pints - what a Saturday!